Of Desired Lovers
by Mishikaiya
Summary: Kagome, remaining in her own time, is gifted with a collection of poetry from her well-meaning friends. But the book turns out to be a collection of Sesshoumaru's work. As she reads on, it becomes apparent that Kagome was Sesshoumaru's muse.
1. Prologue

She approached the leather-bound book steadily, a curious look upon her face. The collection of love poems had been a birthday gift from her over-enthusiastic friends. All three insisted that Kagome should learn a thing or two from the printed words. The hardcover had been accumulating dust for the past week, idly adorning Kagome's desk.

Ayumi, Yuka, and Eri had all shared their enthusiastic praise for this particular bestseller of poetry. It was the first time that these poems had been printed and available to the masses. The numerous writings had been gathered over the last few hundred years, all having been written within a particular family. No names were disclosed besides that of the "author". He had stated that some of the poems included were indeed his own while all others were those of his kin. He had inherited all of these tales a couple decades ago and, after having sifted through them all, decided to share his family's most private feelings with every other lost, lonely, longing soul.

As Kagome studied the leather covering, she traced the crescent moon on the cover. "It's exactly like Sesshoumaru's...", she murmured to herself. Her eyes lingered along the title, Of Desired Lovers. Kagome gave the compilation a small smile. She certainly had experience in that department. The author's name was what stopped her short, her smile fading into a quiet gasp of surprise. Her eyes re-read the name again, just to be sure. But as true as the first time her brain had registered the combination of those letters, the meaning of those words, the author's name remained Sesshoumaru Taisho and the Family of the West.


	2. Ch1 Opening Note

"It..it couldn't be..", Kagome trailed off. Her wide eyes continued to stare. And then she started to pace around her room, muttering to herself. "Sesshoumaru?! Writing poetry? The idea is absurd." She glanced back at the book. "Perhaps it's his father's. Yeah. That makes more sense", she said as she continued to attempt to calm her over-active mind.

The pacing would not stop, however. Soon enough, Kagome was flailing her arms and making gestures of someone truly bewildered. After a few more minutes of pacing and rambling, an idea struck her. "What if he's changed?", she whispered. Kagome stopped and ogled the object of her confusion. "I never really knew him or his hobbies to begin with. If he had any hobbies besides honor and death." Kagome let out a small snort. "I _suppose_ it's possible he would have liked to write. He was raised as nobility. Or something of that sort", she continued, raising her hand to her chin, contemplating. "Well, let's see...", Kagome said as she started to count on her fingers. "It's been about five hundred years since I've seen him last!", she exclaimed. Her countenance dimmed minutely. "I wonder what happened to him. It must not have been easy with all the wars. And then, demons are myth now. If anyone survived, of course it would have been Sesshoumaru. Like anything could kill him", she mentioned with a hint of sarcasm. "I wonder if he's lonely. The world isn't the same as when he was a great demon lord. Would it be possible for me to see him?", she quietly questioned. And then she brightened, "Guess I should start doing some research!" And with that, she grabbed her newest point of interest and made herself comfy on her bed.

Fingering through the first few pages, Kagome found an Author's Note from Sesshoumaru, demon lord of the West himself. Kagome let herself become enraptured with his words.

_For many years I have debated on the ramifications of putting so much of my family's history out in the open. Some might find it anomalous that I am calling a collection of poetry 'history'. I assure you, disbelieving reader, that the innermost workings of one's heart inked onto paper is indeed history. If not the most revealing and at times, riveting, history._

_After much indecision, I took my family's legacy to a publisher, who, much to my disdain, was euphoric at the prospect. After a small amount of negotiating, the collection would be published with this one overseeing every aspect of the book-to-be.  
_

Kagome stopped there. She could perfectly imagine Sesshoumaru glaring at the businessmen, his expression insisting that if they wanted the poetry, everything would be done his way. She snickered at the thought of their cowering forms and continued on.

_I have taken the time to organize these works in a way that only holds meaning for me. They hold no rhyme or reason beyond that. The author of each piece shall be kept a mystery of which I am the sole guardian. I leave you with these final words: I hope you find what you are looking for. Be it something to relate to, elusive understanding, or the inspiration for your own love affair._

"Hmmm. I wonder how many poems are in here?", Kagome mused as she flipped the pages. At the end of the book she found a note listing the address for fan mail as well as an e-mail address. "Oh! Interesting. I'll have to get to that later. First, the poetry itself."


	3. Ch2 Morbid Longing

Kagome was astonished. She had been caught in a rare moment of speechlessness. And it was Shesshoumaru's fault. Her brain couldn't even comprehend the irony as she was one of the only humans who had lived after standing her own ground in his presence. The moment her brain started to reboot, Kagome re-read the three lines of the haiku again. And then a third time. By the fifth, she could recite it to anyone. But she didn't consider herself able to properly illustrate the depth of poetry by reading it aloud. She mouthed the words as her brain turned in on itself, analyzing every syllable, contemplating every word, searching for every meaning.

_Alive, wandering  
Centuries cannot hold me  
I am waiting for_

"…You", Kagome whispered after she had read it another time. Her brows furrowed with her determination. "Who was he waiting for…? Rin maybe? To be reincarnated?" She twisted a stray thread of her comforter around as if it were the idea itself around her finger. Giving up on the thread, Kagome turned over onto her back, blankly staring at the ceiling.

"_This book is about love. I never thought Sesshoumaru and Rin would have a relationship like that…He was like her father, very protective while seeming aloof." _Kagome chuckled. _"With Jaken as the nanny!"_ She stopped. _"Could there have been someone else? He has lived for so long. Someone might have come along after I left. Or even before I arrived."_ Kagome spoke aloud, "I wonder…" She turned back over and delicately turned the page to the next piece.

_Midnight clouds hide a predator  
Destruction its only disguise  
No creature with strength to deter  
Rampaging in its desire for demise_

_That one humble and honest  
Truth the only possible sight  
Words, every one a promise  
To clearly state this one's plight_

_Silent reflection of a stranger  
Ripples cannot hide a monster  
Minutes in presence, certain danger  
A love of which this one cannot refer_

_That one exudes the essences of spirit  
Giving reasons to find existence adequate  
A heart, somehow obtained, the gods permit  
Drowning under surfaces, barely able to admit_

_How much longer left to live a lie?_

Kagome felt a deep ache in her heart for Sesshoumaru. Clearly, he had been in pain. She concluded that "That one" must have been Rin. No one else could possibly see through Sesshoumaru's façade so adequately. The image of the smiling girl came to Kagome's mind. No one shined, lived so fearlessly, the way Rin did. Kagome believed Rin had lived life unafraid to love until the end of her days. Kagome gave a small smile at the memory of the sweet girl who followed a demon lord. But her smile faded as she contemplated the words of disguises, monsters, and lies. _"Was he contemplating suicide? Why was he so unhappy with life?"_ Kagome's eyes scanned the last line of the first verse again. "Desire for demise…", she muttered aloud. Her eyes moved downward. "And finding reasons to continue living…Jeez. So morbid. Poor guy. He sounds like he was completely heartbroken."

The next couple hours were spent reading, contemplating, and then re-reading. Kagome let out a yawn just as her stomach growled at her. "Alright, alright. Food. I get the idea." She looked over at the clock and found it was 5:30, the time around when her mother would be setting the table. "Hrm, maybe I'll just call Mama tonight." She reached for the cell phone on her desk and let her muscle memory do the work for her.

"Higurashi residence."

"Hey, Mama."

"Oh, Kagome dear. You called just in time! I'm almost done making the oden. Come on over."

"Thanks, Mama", Kagome let out with a small laugh. "You always knew me so well."

The usual questions arose at dinner, how are you?, how's work?, are you sure you're okay living on your own?, are you enjoying your classes this semester? Kagome assured her mother and grandfather vehemently that she was fine and living alone was not that bad. "Besides", she said, "I'm not alone. I have Sebastian."

"Honey, your beta barely counts as company..."

Of course, Souta had to giggle at that one. Kagome mentioned her fish for his sake anyway.

"Really, Mama. It's a good neighborhood and I'm only a few blocks from the campus." Kagome had put in the time, effort, and determination to allow herself entry to Tokyo University. The meetings with her advisor were the main reason they had taken her on. She had put forth the image of a true student. She desired and valued the education offered and would make the necessary adjustments to put school first.

"Alright, Dear. I trust your judgment. Is there anything new happening in your life?", Kagome's mother asked with an affectionate smile.

Kagome paused in her chewing for a brief moment, contemplating. _"Do I want to mention Sesshoumaru's book?",_ she mentally rolled her eyes at the thought. _"It's best not to. Hey, Mama! InuYasha's full demon half-brother and former enemy of ours wrote a book of poetry and exists in this time! Right. Because that would go over so well."_ Kagome finished chewing and sputtered briefly at the mental image of her Grandfather's reaction to knowing of an existing demon, "N-no. Nothing really. I'm still working a few days of the week at the cafe. With the semester almost over and Summer just around the corner, tourists are starting to come in and they tip us."

"I bet those English classes came in handy, huh, Sis?", Souta choked out with laughter.

Kagome narrowed her eyes briefly in his direction. Kagome's attempt to learn some decent English had been a riot to her pesky brother. She eventually had to ask him for help since he was picking the language up rather quickly at his school.

"Souta. It is not polite to tease.", their mother lightly chastised.

With dinner out of the way, Kagome could get a few moments alone with her mother for her expert advice. They began washing the dishes and putting things away in silence. It was something her mother was excellent at. She seemed to have perfect intuition, always knowing when it was best to let her children come to her or for her to reach out to them. The silence was comfortable and inviting.

"Hey, Mama."

"Hmm?"

"If any of my feudal friends were still alive today, would it be best if I searched for them?"

Mrs. Higurashi didn't miss a beat in her cleaning as she replied, "I suppose it would depend on which friend it is. You must always remember that time didn't pass over them. The centuries were very real for them between eras. I imagine living through so many hard years would take their toll in some manner or another, demon or not. I believe it would be alright for you to look for them. But be cautious about it. Don't get your hopes too high, Kagome. If you do find anyone, do not assume they are who you remember. If you keep that in mind, you should do just fine." She stopped and looked over at her daughter. A smile graced her face, reserved for her only girl. "You know I'm proud of you, no matter what happens and what you do."

Kagome gave a grateful smile as she finished putting away clean dishes. "Thanks, Mama. I love you."

"I love you too."

Kagome said her goodbyes a short time later and promised to visit again later that week. Her thoughts continued to drift to Sesshoumaru and possible ways of reaching out to him. _"That e-mail address is probably stuffed full of messages. He probably doesn't take much time, if any, to read those. So that's out. I wonder if I could stop by the publishing company's offices. But why would they let me in? Maybe if I claimed to be an estranged family member...Nah. Seems too suspicious and out of the blue."_ Kagome continued contemplating ideas as she locked her car and walked to her door, feeling for the house key. She stilled. _"Would he be angry with me if I found him? What if all he wants to do is forget about everything that's happened over the years?"_

Along the sidewalk outside of the Sunset Shrine, a tall figure loomed at the entrance, regal in posture despite the slight tiredness emitting from his face. _"Would she be indignant with me if I sought her out?"_


	4. Ch3 Wounded Warrior

_My words are hardly sufficient  
Tools by which to grant me  
Attempts at explaining a rapture  
I can barely guarantee  
Will not cause the ruin  
Of a grand empire nor its  
War-hardened ruler_

The fountain pen stops, hovering over the crème-colored paper. The smallest of sighs escapes through Sesshoumaru's lips. His leather chair creaks slightly as he leans into its would-be comforting embrace. Tired eyes scan the paper, elegant script, and meaningful words. Sesshoumaru reaches out for a neglected cup of tea, sipping the contents, unaware of the flavor and temperature.

Though he had not desired it, Sesshoumaru had adapted to the times. As war began taking place amongst investors, capitalists, and entrepreneurs, Sesshoumaru learned how to shift his verbal wits from Lords' meetings to a board room. His longevity granted him insights into investments that no human would be able to comprehend, and so he played the stock market like a child with his over-played video game. He knew every trick and way with words to get exactly the results he desired. There was no luxury he could not afford.

None of it was satisfactory. Nothing was enough. He craved intelligent conversation, a knowing look, an understanding heart. An affectionate woman, prone to stubbornness and an inability to mind one's own business, that was his desire. She would take it upon herself to learn his subtle expressions, nuances of inflections in his speech. She would learn to read his heart and mind and react accordingly that he may never have to speak his own desires out loud.

Creaks in the floorboards outside his study alerted the contemplating demon lord to his assistant's presence. A young demon gently pushed the door aside and entered the room with a neutral look upon his boyish face. He had been with Sesshoumaru for a couple hundred years thus far and could see the tension in his lord's posture.

"You're thinking about her again."

Sesshoumaru put his empty cup down and gave the boy a leveling look. "It is none of your concern, Shippo."

Shippo snorted, "You've done nothing but pine for Kagome for centuries. It's been a few years since she's permanently returned to this era. It's time you went and saw her. We both know where she is." Shippo crossed his arms and dropped himself into the seat across from Sesshoumaru, settling in for their mild argument.

"Why is it that you must pester me on this subject while you yourself have not seen the woman who cared for you as a pup? Does she mean so little to you?"

The young demon shot Sesshoumaru a glare. "That's a low blow, even for you."

Sesshoumaru barely rolled his eyes, and picked up his pen again.

"And quit deflecting! I have my reasons but you cannot possibly still have a viable excuse for letting yourself suffer this long."

"This is not suffering."

Shippo narrowed his eyes once more and let his glare go with a sigh. With so many centuries offering opportunities to change, it seemed a great wonder that Sesshoumaru had weathered very little. Shippo had learned Sesshoumaru's ways throughout the years and often wondered why his lord had never let himself open up. It would seem that he might have closed himself in even more. This, in its own way, was Sesshoumaru showing just how much it hurt to show anything at all. His sentences were easily interpreted and Shippo was convinced that he did it so no one would ever ask any questions. No one would dig deeper. Everything anyone needed to know was at the surface. It was all a lie, a way to keep everyone out. A shield; the easiest way to deflect.

Kagome could change him. She would become an ally and the demon of the West would grow weary of holding his shield. She would make him feel safe, and most of all, worth something. Sesshoumaru's life was not worth much currently. He wrote to stay alive and he did business to stay inconspicuous. There was nothing in life he desired besides Kagome. Shippo was unsure whether Sesshoumaru felt any hope at all towards his chances with her. But then, why else would he have let himself live this long? The idea of protecting her from afar had occurred to the fox but he doubted that was enough for the dog demon.

"Another bookstore is asking for a reading and signing event."

"No."

"What if she shows up?"

"No."

"She might have read your book, thought about you. She could be seeking you out right now and you won't let yourself have a chance at happiness!"

"**Enough**", Sesshoumaru declared with an unwavering tone. "I will have no more talk of this. No readings, no signings. Do not mention her name to me again." And with that he brought himself gracefully to his feet and swept from the room leaving a chilled silence in his wake.

Shippo looked into his lap and muttered, "You're going to her again. Close but never close enough." He reached across the desk for what Sesshoumaru had been writing before. He returned it to its place when he was satisfied and left the room, thinking of a way to get Sesshoumaru and Kagome to meet somehow.

Scrounging through her kitchen for an appropriate snack, Kagome moved from one cabinet to another finally grabbing some crackers. She was up late, filtering through all forms of internet information on Sesshoumaru. She had browsed countless forums and Wikipedia sites. The fan sites were the worst, though that should have been expected. They contained no new information that was valid while everything else was pure conjecture formed by the minds of hopeless romantics.

As she found her place at the computer desk again, Kagome popped a cracker into her mouth considering her next approach. Halfway through chewing she smacked her forehead letting out an incoherent 'Of course!' Of Desired Lovers was sitting on her desk with the laptop. She flipped the book to the back, remembering the fan e-mail address. Opening her own e-mail account with excited keyboard strokes, she input the address in the 'To:' box. She left the subject blank, deciding to fill it later. The blinking line seemed to mock her. She had absolutely no idea what to say.

_Hey Sesshoumaru!_

_Remember me? We used to fight each other centuries ago._

Kagome groaned and held the backspace button. Draft after draft was deemed inappropriate, ridiculous, and impolite. One hour nearly became two as Kagome finally settled on a business-like approach in writing-style.

_Dear Sesshoumaru Taisho,_

_After having read through many of the poems included into your book, I must confess that I feel as if I understand you and your family's position of desiring one unattainable. I found myself in a similar position many years ago. He was bound to another. I could not hold on to him as you cannot hold on to the wind. It was a great lesson in heartache for me, but I have benefited from it. These lessons I have taken with me as I move through my life. But I wonder, do you not do the same? I feel a sadness in kinship for you as you appear to shut the world out. Through what research I have done because of a desire to meet you, I have found that there are no book signings, no meetings, never any public appearances. I understand that you have a fan-base of excessive followers, but please consider those who have greatly benefited from your book. There are many who would consider it a great honor to pay homage to one who has shared themselves and their family history with the world._

_Please, I ask that you reconsider shutting yourself away from this world. How can one truly experience life and love the way that is longed-for and expressed in the poems without setting outside amongst the rest of us? I do not mean to intrude or imply that you are a shut-in. And, perhaps, my insight is not insight at all but pure conjecture. Please forgive me. I wish only to be able to express my thanks and my wishes that others may get the opportunity to do the same._

_Always,  
Kagome Higurashi_

Kagome read over it a few times before deciding that it was decent enough to send. "Well, here it goes", she muttered as she clicked the button.

Part of his service to Sesshoumaru included filtering through the fan-mail, though Shippo at times despised it. However, it did provide amusement at other times. Scrolling through the inbox, something caught Shippo's sharp eyes. Since Of Desired Lovers had hit shelves, Shippo had kept an eye out for anything that might be from Kagome. It was the only reason he allowed himself to be drafted as the one-sided emissary between the demon lord and his readers. Nothing had ever been significant enough to be brought to Sesshoumaru's attention. Until now.

Shippo read over the addressee's account name again. 'K_Higurashi(at)sunsetshrine(dot)com' It was far too perfect. Shippo hardly noticed as he held his breath before opening the e-mail. His quick eyes read through the contents twice before he let his breath go. "It's really her…" His tail was twitching uncontrollably with excitement. Everything was there. Kagome had been smart about how she formed the letter. She had figured Sesshoumaru was not the one to take his time going through his own fan e-mail and so she gave nothing away that said she had traveled through time. Nor that she had met the lord before. Shippo immediately hit print and grabbed the piece of paper before hurrying out of his office.

He found his lord sitting in his garden, sipping at his tea.

"What could possibly be so important as to warrant you causing a racket throughout my halls?" the dog demon asked with the slightest hint of annoyance. Their previous argument was still fresh in both demons' minds.

Shippo straightened himself out and gave a bow to Sesshoumaru's back. "My lord, please forgive me for intruding into such a peaceful setting in such a manner. But I have word of the utmost importance."

The fox demon knew the silence as an invitation to continue. He walked around Sesshoumaru to seat himself across from the greater demon before continuing. Clearly, his attempt at politeness had earned him the acceptance of the lord into his presence. "She has finally contacted you."

Sesshoumaru's eyes snapped to Shippo's, giving him a glare rarely seen during the feudal era and even rarer still amongst businessmen. It was not often the dog demon was upset enough to send a clear message conveying any kind of emotion. "I told you to not bring her up with me anymore."

Shippo lost his countenance and scratched behind his head, his tail twitching with nervousness. "Well, actually, you said not to mention her name. And I didn't." He gave a pathetic laugh. At Sesshoumaru's continued glare, Shippo sighed. "Look. This is a chance of a lifetime. It's her. It's impossible for it not to be. At least read the e-mail and consider meeting with her." Shippo handed the sheet to Sesshoumaru and walked away.

After Shippo had left the area Sesshoumaru finally glanced at the paper that had been crumpling in his grip. As he read, he heard her voice reading the e-mail aloud to him. It was impersonal to an extent. And sounded somewhat more mature than the girl he remembered. But he was intrigued. Shippo had been right. The proof that it was her was infallible. Surely there were not two Kagome Higurashis of the Sunset Shrine.

He found himself pacing through his gardens, his halls, and every room of his home for the next couple hours. His mind was wild with possibilities as he felt himself giving in to the idea of meeting with her. He could feel his heart ache and his stomach jump at the prospect. Just as he had felt when he decided to publish the book, knowing she might come across it. It was truly ridiculous. The great dog demon of the West feeling the uneasiness of a human teenager. And yet, there he was, continuing his pacing. Giving in.

Shippo had just about had enough. The tension was becoming sickening. He practically marched to Sesshoumaru's office to give him the final push. "My lord. This is unbecoming. And quite frankly, annoying as all hell. Your computer is right there on your desk. E-mail her back and meet her. I guarantee you will not like what I have to say if I reply for you." With that, Shippo turned on his heel and strode off, grinning.

In a moment of weakness, Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. The damned fox demon was grating on his nerves. But he had a point. With his usual fortitude, Sesshoumaru seated himself at his desk, waking his laptop up. Finding Kagome's e-mail was simple as it was one of the few no longer in bold for having been read.

_Dear Miss Higurashi,_

_After careful consideration and much rumination on my part, I have decided that I would like to meet with you in order to discuss the topics of which you write. Indeed, I have been quite a melancholy shut-in. Perhaps you will be able to enlighten me on the joys of life for it seems I have forgotten after many years alone._

_S. Taisho_

Sesshoumaru sat back satisfied. After sending the e-mail, he closed his laptop and left the office for another cup of tea and pacing through the garden.

The following morning, Kagome wandered her apartment in her PJs seeking breakfast. Setting herself in front of her laptop with her juice and bagel, she read a few news articles and then proceeded to check her e-mail. Only to find a reply from Sesshoumaru already. Her hand hovered over her cordless mouse unable to open the e-mail letter yet. A loud click from a moment of just-do-it! and the few lines were displayed before her. Her excitement and nervousness sputtered in her stomach. Kagome quickly considered her schedule after her initial disbelief. Finals started this week but afterwards it would be summer vacation and she'd have nothing to do but work and a few essays for her scholarships.

She typed up a quick e-mail choosing that Friday since she was free then. Kagome chose early afternoon at a large park near multitudes of coffee shops, bakeries, and such. She described a particular bench near a koi pond and sent the e-mail. She was overflowing in anticipation and had to work off the extra energy getting ready to be at school early. The university's library would be the only place for her to find peace in. She only hoped she'd be able to settle down enough to study.


End file.
